tODAY, NOW AND what i know

BISMILLAHI RAHMANI RAHIM

I’m trying not to look directly into the light as it has scalded my heart. The red hydrogen ridden sun, like the corruption infesting the world is at arms length. It has burnt my virgin skin that had previously been cocooned under the protective shelter of my Nairobi abode. This will be a symbolism this will be an attempted regurgitation of my heart’s hopeless cry. Has it always been this dark, it appears so. I had been seeing with the outer eyes and blinding, maiming the truth that sees within.
I’ve been re-learning, re-socialising, re-conditioning, what a stupid stupid stupid girl I was. Stupid. With a capital S. I knew not what I’m finding out now everyone else pretty much figured. Or did they learn from their parents, were mine too protective to tell me the ugliness of this world and its people? (and there I go finding some way to trace the blame back to my sweet parents.) The extent to which I had been deceived is colossal! And it’s magnitude seems to be echoed and echoed like a stab in the back further and further into my flesh every time I someone tells me they knew it all along. So pardon me if I’m shouting, if I’m teaching because I’m barely learning. I don’t want to know any more. This deception is like a deep dark bottomless hole. SubhanAllah, only You can help mankind.
And the worst part is that the enemy is unseen, the enemy is as old as the dusty mountains. As strong as the waves crashing into oblivion, and Allah Ta’alah said, and We have created a group of people so strong, so strong that no one can beat them except I….
So I sit in these constructions called buildings, inhale deeply something that used to be known as fresh air, even that is corrupted, drinking something that was clean water, and will finally rest in what used to be clean earth.