Anger at whatever level is intense. Even when just a slight moment of irritation, it is like a prick, a stinging sensation that peters away once its finished wreaking havoc on the moment.
It is sometimes viewed as a part of the fight or flight brain response to the perceived threat of harm.
Heart rate goes up, so does blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline .
So that hot feeling somewhere in the midst of the tightening chest is questioning your brain, "whaddare you going to do about it!" Forget the science of it, that moment has no time for reason!
Whatever it is that has got you to that state, for the hot tempered like myself, nothing else makes sense except that red angry angry angry moment and sometimes it can end up regrettably.
After such situations, after calming down, then thinking about ayats like the one below, I can’t help feeling SO guilty.
Verses like Qur'an 3:133–134 say "Be quick in the race for forgiveness from your Lord, and for a Garden whose width is that (of the whole) of the heavens and of the earth, prepared for the righteous; Those who spend (freely), whether in prosperity, or in adversity; who restrain anger, and pardon (all) men;- for Allah loves those who do good.", thereby hinting at the fact that anger management is a tact that Muslims need to learn in order to attain salvation
I’ve read self help books, learnt the meditation and counting therapies when you begin getting angry, but seriously that’s the last thing on my mind if I get to that level. But I’ve got to get this sorted...and it’s funny how specific people i.e. the husband have the talent of bringing out this feeling. Quicker than anything, I need strength!
It’d be nice to hear how you deal with times like these…
Brooding doesn’t help, it prolongs the explosion…I must sound terrible, I’m almost always the innocent one!
Prophet Muhammad sallalahu alayhi wasalam is reported to have said said: "A strong man is not he who defeats his adversary by wrestling, but a strong man is he who controls himself at the time of anger."
Allah's Messenger sallalahu alayhi wasalam Said: a Muslim is never allowed to stay angry with his Muslim brother over three day's , because he who does that, then dies will go to hell ( FIRE ) . ( This is reported by Abu Dawood ) (Sahih Al - Jami ) ( page 7609).
“ Anger is the effect of shaytaan and shaytaan was created from fire. And water extinguishes fire."
In Tabraani . ( A book of Hadeeth ). It is narrated that Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi wasalam Said : Who ever controls there temper Allah will take away punishment from him and who so ever safe guard's his tongue Allah will conceal his sins. In another Hadeeth which is narrated in (Tirmizi and Abu Dawood): Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi wasalam said: Who ever controls their temper in a state that if he wanted he could have took revenge. Then On the day of judgement Allah will call him in front of everyone and will give him the choice of picking the Hoor of his choice.
The remedy for anger is that when a person who is angry should control his anger . It has been said there are three way's shown to control ones Anger.
1). is to say Ta'awwuz.
It is narrated in Bukhari that two people were arguing in the presence of Rasulullah salalahu alayhi waslalam. One of the two became so angry that his face went red and his veins swelled. Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi wasalam lifted his face towards that person and said to him that I know a sentence if you were to say it your anger will go away. The sentence is ( taw’wz ). The translation is as follows:
Audhu billahi mina shaytani rajim
Audhu billahi mina shaytani rajim
I seek refuge in Allah from satan the rejected one
2). is to do Wudu (Abolution ) or drink water.
Dawud, Narrated Atiyyah as-Sa'di AbuWa'il al-Qass said: We entered upon Urwah ibn Muhammad ibn as-Sa'di. A man spoke to him and made him angry. So he stood and performed ablution; he then returned and performed ablution, and said: My father told me on the authority of my grandfather Atiyyah who reported the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) as saying: Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution.
3). is to lie down on the floor.
also, Ayatul Kursi and a 2 rakaat salaah...
Crying in frustration in isolation is my usual method, but its got to be in isolation because a “are you ok? Don’t cry” will only make things worse. This method is not really working...at all.
Inshallah will have to try to remember these methods next time anything happens, Inshallah not for a long looong looong time.